Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have a huge problem. I always seem to get stuck in the “friend” mode. This like is super frustrating because I can’t get out of it, no matter how well a night goes, I just stay there in the “friend” mode. I have no problem meeting guys, talking to guys, or even becoming the guy’s best friend. I just have a lot of trouble getting past that. I mean I think I send all the right signals and give out all the hints, maybe I’m not, I am just like sooo confused. Like a perfect example was like a few weeks ago, my friends and I went to the beach and like one of my acquaintance/friends was there, he’s like super cute and nice. That night all this crazy stuff happened, getting stuck at the beach in the middle of the night, running away from crazy carnies, and walking back to the condo which took like an hour. Through this whole fun/crazy ordeal we talk about our beliefs and thoughts, etc. Well after we meet back up with our friends at the condo, everyone was pretty tired, so they went to bed, we for still wide awake, so we watched TV for a bit and then decided to go to sleep. We went to the same room, in a normal fashion, and we end up talking to each other for like 5 hours until seven in the morning, and like nothing happened! Nothing at all! I don’t get it, like seriously. I mean yeah I’m a bit hefty but hell this happens wayyyy to often, and often with some of my closest guy friends. I don’t know what to think anymore. I mean I even asked one of my guy friends for advice and he tells me to ask Mr. Beach Guy out on a date, but for the life of me I can’t bring myself to do it. I mean I really like this guy, but I don’t know if he’s even the slightest bit interested. this hasn’t happened only with him though, it’s happened/happening with my best friend, I mean yea he has a girlfriend I understand and everything I’m not gonna mess that up, but like hell, next year were gonna get an apartment together and everything as “just friends”. So like yeah. I’m really good a being a guys best bud I mean it’s easy, because we for the most part have the same tastes in music, TV, “bad habits”, like as far as good friends go we are comfortable enough to tell each other almost everything…grrrr…those were just two examples of what constantly happens to me day in and day out. Am I just like extremely unattractive or something? I mean hell I don’t smell or anything. (if I did they would have told me by now, lol) like I said I’m a bit hefty but I’m not like grotesque or anything like that. I really just don’t get it. Even worse the guy/s I end up liking have had at least one girlfriend my size, and let’s just say they didn’t have the best personalities and weren’t the “jolly” type. I wonder every now and then, if I should just act really feminine or something, but they supposedly find it really annoying…what should I do? ~Fed Up with Friendships~
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Dear FUF: The Bitter Single Guy like, feels your pain sister. The BSG himself had a time of being everyone’s pal and no one’s hunka-hunka-burnin-love and he knows how frustrating that is. Here it is broken down for you: Let go of the hefty thang…there are TONS of guys who like a woman with a little something to hold on to (some BSG readers are thinking ‘Amen, brother!’). Let go of the idea that your friends SHOULD be making moves on you. Your best friend who has a girlfriend? Really FUF? That’s just tacky. Let go of Mr. Beach Guy. If he wanted to sample some of your wares, he would have when you stayed up talking all night.
FUF it’s possible that, by virtue of your sparkling personality, that you’ve become SAFE. This means that in a pool of folks who are all dating each other and wrapped up in each other’s madness, there is usually one person that everyone else comes to for advice and comfort. This seems like it would be a great position to be in, but it can leave you out in the cold, as you’ve seen.
OK, here’s the plan FUF. Find yourself a date. NOT one of your friends that you think should be attracted to you, find someone NEW then flirt, bat your eyes, be clever and like fun to be around. Make sure your intentions are clear. If you’re asked to give advice to this person on how he can win the affections of someone else, get up and walk away to find someone interested in YOU.